Saturday, May 11, 2013

Hansel's Crumbs



This weekend's Trifextra challenge takes me back down memory lane.  It was an earlier Trifextra challenge regarding personification that helped to establish the connection between my students and Trifecta.  This challenge regarding onomatopoeia coves the same ground. I will assume I may share some of the more appropriate entries with my class on Monday unless I hear from you otherwise.

In the meantime, please enjoy my entry.



Hansel's Crumbs

The wall of fog enveloped the interstate without warning.
Brakes squealed!
Metal crashed, contorted.
Screams and moans,
mingled with "Debaser"on 10.
My head throbbed in time.
I followed the dashes
Into nothingness.




22 comments:

  1. oh, my . . . this is perfect!

    Love to read what your students write. :)

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  2. Read three times and seemed just a bit different each one. I like when that happens. Fantastic. Share away! And I love when they share with us.

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    1. I have always been fascinated by car crashes. In a fog bank, one can only hear the sounds and imagine the scene. Being stunned adds to the disorientation of it all. So, my character is wandering amid the wreckage, the sounds all around him, while he follows the dash marks on the highway further into the fog. What becomes of a pedestrian/accident victim who starts wandering down a foggy highway? That is the big question.

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  3. Loved this: I followed the dashes
    Into nothingness. What a great song for this scene.

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    1. It is a great song for any scene. Nothing like slicing up eyeballs in the middle of vehicular mayhem.

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  4. Whoa, this is cool. I love the dashes line.

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    1. Thanks, Draug. If I was a better writer I am sure the scene would be taken to another level but, just the same, I think that the idea creating a scene devoid of visuals, focussed on sound, amid the danger of walking in a crash scene......wasn't the worst story idea I've ever had; especially for this weekend's sort of challenge. :)

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  5. Great descriptive words to describe a crash.Great piece of writing. We had a 60-70 car pile up in central Florida a couple of years ago which was induced by fog.

    Feel free to use mine, especially since my story is set in a classroom. Kids might enjoy my making fun of the teacher! Lol!

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    1. We had a big pile-up not too long ago in my neck of the woods, too. Glad you liked the post. Thanks for the great comment.

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  6. How terrible!But so well written To,m:-)Can't wait to see what your talented bunch of kids come up with!

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  7. Well, Atreyee, I can't be a goody-goody all the time. :). Glad you liked it anyway.

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  8. Of course we're happy you're extending your Trifecta experiences with your awesome students! Considering this great piece, they couldn't have a better teacher.

    Thanks for linking up!

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  9. This is exactly why I don't like driving in fog. Following the dashes into nothingness is so eerie!

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    1. Glad you liked the line. I have the odd stroke of good writing skill, every now and again. :)

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  10. You nailed the disorientation - of fog, of accidents. Love that it is audio rather than visual.

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    1. Thanks. I've had that scene kicking around in my head for some time now. Glad I was able to use it and that you liked it.

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  11. Very good piece!

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    1. I want to be a debaser, what can I tell you. :)

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  12. Really cool. You've created quite the picture in so few words

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them very much. :)

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