Friday, March 1, 2013

A Young Man's Dream?

You will find this entry into the weekend Trifextra challenge to either be steamy or silly.  But, whatever the case, it has certainly nothing to do with any of the kids at school!!!!

***I had included a back story to accompany my submission but, several people kindly mentioned that they felt it to be distracting.  Never one to want attention diverted from my submission, I have opted to delete the background info. and simply, present this weekend's submission, as is.  Enjoy. :)


A Young Man's Dream?

Steam curls upward, caressing the ceiling.
Invitingly, she draws the shower curtains aside.

Her body,
freckled with dew,
utterly perfect.
My breath abandons me.

Reaching out,
pulling me close,
Her softness sears me.








40 comments:

  1. wow! I'm hopeful her life is better now. Nicely done.

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    1. One can hope. Haven't been in touch in awhile so, I can only hope for her sake and the sake of those in her life that she is doing well and is happy. At this point, that is all I have the right to ask.

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  2. I adored what you wrote for the challenge and intrigued by the story that you wrote about 'this girl'. I hope that she recovers and thank you for the outline.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. She is definitely a real person and I hope she is living a happy life, wherever she may be. It is funny to think about all of the people who cross our paths in the course of a lifetime. Some come and go and barely register. Others, imprint their memory on you like a giant tattoo on your heart. I was not prepared for the intensity of dealing with mental illness. What began as a fantasy come true, quickly evolved into something else; something that I have never truly been able to forget.

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  3. Beautifully written:-)Sad that she was mentally disturbed-one never knows what goes on in another's mind,isn't it?Glad to note that she is presumably better now.

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    1. I give complete and total props to those who deal with addiction and mental illness and do so while trying to maintain their lifestyles in today's world. The intensity of what I was exposed to is what I can't quite shake. I hope she is doing well. I wish her the best.

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  4. The last line is wonderful as well as, 'freckled with dew.'

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    1. Thanks! At that exact moment, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life! I was absolutely blown away by her flawlessness. Completely unforgettable. :)

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  5. Mental illness comes in many forms, this was hot.

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    1. Glad it came across as "hot" instead of cringeworthy. :). At that exact moment in time, she was the eptiome of "hot" for me. I felt like I had hit the male fantasy jackpot but, that quickly changed. Dealing with the intensity of her addiction is the lasting image I take from having known her.

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  6. What an experience! I've no doubt you'll forget it (:
    Aww, it's great that you kept in touch with her, and better that she got help and is finding a stable life! (:

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  7. I hope that her life has stabilized but, I have no way of knowing that for sure. It was a tough experience to go through. I have complete respect for those who live with menal illness and/or live wi someone who does, day in and day out. It takes a lot of strength to merely cope.

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  8. What a lovely, poignant piece. I had a similar experience though it had nothing to do with nymphomania. But we both had our psychological issues and I will never forget her.

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  9. Wish I hadn't read your explanation, Tom. That was a divinely beautiful piece. Lucky you!

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  10. Sorry about that, Kymm. Glad you liked the actual story, though.

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  11. Steamy and beautiful! I adore this piece Tom - even if the lady in question was fleeting. So well written!

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    1. Thank you. Hard to tell if such a scene is steamy or corny. Glad it came across the way I intended it to. Thanks, again.

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  12. i liked that line "freckled with dew"
    sounds like a very 'steamy' experience

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    1. Flawless, smooth, freckled with dew.....that's exactly how she looked the moment the curtains opened. Glad you liked the description as much as I do the memory. :)

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  13. Despite knowing the back story, which is sadly intriguing and seductive, this is beautiful. Really!!!

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  14. Coming from you, Gina, this is, indeed, a compliment. Thanks! :)

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  15. This is a simple, and graceful, moment in time, when two people touched, and it was wonderful for you. That's a memory to keep in the attic of the mind, with the old yearbooks and such, for when you recall things that might have been.

    I have a few of those treasures, too.

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    1. I will never, ever forget this moment. It quickly turned into something difficult but, at that exact moment, fireworks, for sure.

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  16. Now that's nice. I missed the background but I would say this is perfect as is.

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    1. This story is really about mental illness. The girl was a clinically- diagnosed nymphomaniac. This scene was my first inkling of what was to follow. We had known each other for about ten minutes when this scene took place. At the moment it went down, it was a pure fantasy moment come true. But, mental illness comes in all types of people, as I was to soon discover.

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  17. This was an amazing 33 words-very steamy and sensual and seductive. I don't think that resisting her seemed like an option!

    Hopefully, after she was able to get help, and if she had children, her past helped make her a more perceptive parent. That's the value I place in the mistakes I made.

    But I just have to say-this piece was pretty hot!

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    1. Thanks on all counts. Mental illness is a tough obstacle to overcome but, many have done just that and have one on to have happy, successful lives. I hope that turns out to be true for her.

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  18. I don't know... I bet the backstory is very interesting if these 33 are so steamy.

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    1. Thanks. I thought the back story was important but, others did not agree. If this was a real book or mag. article, I would have stuck to my guns more. But, for the sake of a smple challenge, I'm not too concerned. FYI.....the girl turned out to be a clinically diagnosed nymphomaniac. This scene was my introduction to her addiction. What I thought was a male fantasy cming true quickly turned into something else. This scene took place within the first ten-fifteen minutes of first meeting her.

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    2. On my more personal pieces, I typically include a backstory, more for me than for anyone reading. I think part of the stigma to mental health issues that that anyone who hasn't had to deal with their own health, or that of someone close to them, it's so difficult to comprehend how all-consuming it can be. People are afraid of what they don't understand.

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    3. I was a train wreck by the time it was over, a few months later. Since love was never part of what we shared, it was easy to bail on my part and for her to push me away on her end. You and your son do not have that "luxury." I know several parents of autistic children and am in awe of the pretzel-like lengths they twist themselves into just trying to maintain some semblence of what we would consider to be normality. Continued good luck for all of you.

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  19. Time and again, I'm amazed by what talented writers can do in 33words.
    This is one of those times.

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    1. Coming from you, I am, indeed, humbled by these words of praise. Thanks.

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  20. powerful descriptions. I especially liked the sound patterning of - softness sears...

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    1. Thank you kindly. Your words are appreciated. :)

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  21. I missed the explanation (though I gleaned quite a bit from the comments), but I can say for sure: steamy. The phrase "freckled with dew" is pure magic. You definitely made something beautiful out of what must have been a strange experience, but whatever the inspiration, this piece stands wonderfully on its own.

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  22. Thank you for the wonderful comment. It was a magical moment for a young man in his twenties and then, it became something else that has stayed with me into my late forties. She sure didn't look mentally ill coming out of that shower but, sadly for all involved, that is what she turned out to be. Hopefully, she is doing well. Don't know for sure though. Addictions never really go away so........

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  23. wow! WOW! I loved this. I thought it was so good (even without the explanation) but when you gave us that, my heart just jolted and smiled, because for all her issues, all her STUFF..you choose to think fondly of her. I admire that about you.
    Thank you for sharing this story, for letting us into your earlier years, the BEFORE years.

    hope you had a wonderful weekend.

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    1. Now, this is what I call a comment!!! Thank you and you're very welcome.
      I don't do well harbouring feelings of hatred and anger. I don't like how that negativity makes me feel. So, in her case, there was never anything malicious that she did to me. Things didn't go well in the end but, I blame her condition more than I do her mind. This girl left me with an image that Hugh Hefner would approve of. I choose to focus on that aspect of the relationship instead of how it all ended. Why be negative when I can enjoy the memory of that moment. It was stunning! :)

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