This week's Trifecta challenge was to create a 333 word story that incorporated the word "bitch" into it, somehow.
This story is based upon last weekend's challenge and, in particular, the photo of the girl in the blue dress. She is the "Maria" character in this story. The doll's messages are in Portuguese and go, as follows:
"Help me."
"My name is Maria."
"I am trapped here."
Perhaps, this could be the start of a decent-sized story about chuild labour and poverty. Thinking about it. Thinking about it.
Maria's Song
Laura reached down, amid the growing pile of discarded boxes and gift wrap, and picked up her final birthday present.
"Who is it from, Dear?" asked her Mom.
"It says, "Grandma and Grandpa on the gift tag. Yah!"
Laura began tearing off the paper. Immediately, her eyes grew wide!
"Oh! It's a B-F-F Dolly: Infinity Edition! She will be my best friend, forever and ever! Oh, it's just what I wanted!" Laura hugged her new doll tightly and jumped up and down. She was awestruck.
Laura instinctively reached around to the doll's back and grabbed hold of a string that stuck out. "Listen, everybody! I'm gonna make her talk!" Laura pulled the string out as far as it would reach. Everyone, including the adults, leaned forward to hear. She released the string. The doll began to speak.
"Me ajuda," said the doll in a shaky, whispery voice.
Laura's smile disappeared. "What did she say?"
"It didn't sound like English," said her father.
"Pull the string again, Honey," suggested Grandma.
Laura took hold of the string and pulled it to its' limit. The room hushed. Laura released the string.
"Meu nome e Maria."
"Maria?" said Laura aloud. "I think she said that her name is Maria." There was a murmur of agreement and a nodding of heads from those gathered around.
"Pull one more time to be sure," advised Mom.
So, Laura did.
"Eu estou preso aqui!" said the doll to a breathless audience.
Laura's Dad took the doll from her. "I wonder if there is a language switch on her somewhere?" He gave the doll a quick examination but found nothing.
Grandpa sat back and thought, "Isn't that a bitch!" and then said to Laura, "I'm sorry, Honey, that your dolly is broken. We can bring her back and get you another one."
Laura hugged her grandparents. "That's ok. I still like her anyway. Maybe, one day, I'll figure out what she is saying and we can be BFFs, forever and ever."
A good way to learn another language!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Joe. Laura will learn her Portuguese in time and then, the story will unfold from there. Excited to start! :)
Deleteoh, Tom. THIS? is heartbreaking! A much more human version than your last. I am touched that you took my words so seriously.
ReplyDeleteThis is MUCH "better" - not that the other was "worse", but, this? YES! Much more YOUR voice. :)
You have earned my respect with your work and with the quality of your character, as displayed countless times in countless challenges. So, when someone like you says to someone like me that a story needs tweaking, shall we say, then, it is something I would obviously take to heart. Thanks again for helping me create better work. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat premise for a longer work. How will Laura feel when the words are translated? What will it spur her on to do? Terrific start, Tom. I am trapped here is so sad... I hope you'll post some of the story as it unfolds.
ReplyDeleteI am a little bit frightened because this story is rocketing through my mind faster than I can get my notes down. I know I will leave some important detail out, sooner or later. But, for now, this premise is leading to all sorts of possibilities. I wish I had a couple of uninterrupted weeks to bang this out. Sigh!
DeleteThanks for your encouraging words. More to come, for sure! :)
This is a terrific, and terrifying, story. The Grandpa's "fix it" is priceless.
ReplyDeleteGrandpas.....what can I say? :) Super stoked to start telling the rest of this story! Stay tuned. Thanks for your great comment. I appreciate your support.
DeleteThis is really good writing!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. :)
DeleteWow. Just wow. I hope that Laura learns that language and find her best friend.
ReplyDeleteLaura will come to understand Maria's "message in a bottle" soon enough. It will be a journey of discovery for all involved before it is through. :) Thanks for your wonderful comment. I really appreciate your kind thoughts.
DeleteThis is so touching -in so many different ways.I liked the way Laura reacted to her gift & how she refused to give up on the "broken" doll even though her grandpa promises to get her a new one.I do hope she finds out what Maria says & finds a way to save her,so that they can really be best friends forever.Beautifully written Tom:-)
ReplyDeleteI have been waiting for a story to find me. It is a bit like love, I suppose, when you least expect it, it magically appears. I have sketched out the next nine chapters already. Hopefully, it turns out as well as I am imaging in my head. Thanks for your kind and encouraging words.
DeleteYou left me breathless, Tom. What a great lesson about expanding our own point of view. I love the way you combined the two prompts. Peace, -j
ReplyDeleteA lovely lady, breathless.....my work here is done! :) Thank you, as always, for your most supportive and encouraging words. I appreciate them more than you may realize.
DeleteI've heard different stories like this here and there--laborers putting messages for help inside of exports, as well as some spy stuff going on along the same lines. It would be interesting if a laborer and a spy exchanged messages to each other like that!
ReplyDeleteProbably no spies in this story but, you never know what may happen as events unfold. Some stories do have minds of their own. Thanks, Draug.
DeleteVery cool. I think you should definitely expand.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I will do my best. :)
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